Well, it's been a while.

A lot's been going on. We've been plugging along with school, and that's good. I started working. That was a bit of a crisis. I don't like working. The job is ok, I just always thought there'd be some miracle where we'd all of a sudden be able to make ends meet and I could still stay home and focus on the kids and maybe start going to the nursing home again or something charitable like that. Well, no such luck, so I'm working.

Then less than a month or so after I started, I got pregnant. It wasn't on purpose. It's kinda funny actually, we conceived the week I actually started working. Steve was on vacation for a week and we had no money and nothing to do and we spent the first several days sitting around beind depressed. After we got tired of that, we went to the park and did a few things that were free. We were happy to make it through the week being creative with cooking since there was no money for groceries even. But we did it. So I guess that Friday's payday and weekend were kinda celebratory because I did land a job and start that week and well...let's just say I didn't pay attention to the calendar until after the fact. Then I was like, "ooo, hmm....LOL those last two days were pretty iffy."

Not iffy, not with my luck. haha Not that luck has anything to do with anything. I do believe God orders our lives, it's just that I cannot figure out what in the WORLD He is doing with mine. Just when there was some light at the end of the tunnel, and Steve and I both felt like maybe we'd make some progress against debt and have stable finances, there's another baby on the way.

The doctor told me after the miscarriage that if I got pregnant again, I'd be crazy. He was right. I'm really not excited at all yet. I didn't want to tell anyone because I was afraid I would miscarry again. Steve knew that, but then he told the kids. Humph. It was the kids whom I wanted to tell the least because they go around every time someone says, "oh, wow, 4 kids?" and they proclaim, "it would have been 5 but we lost one." I cringe every time they do that. They are excited about the idea, but I keep having to damper that excitement and basically tell them it's not a sure thing yet. It's depressing.

I've told people at work. Mostly just because I HAVE to have my breaks every two hours or else I'm starving and shaking and might pass out from hunger. They all think it's the cutest thing. Sigh. I'm not going to pretend I'm something I'm not, so that's kinda awkward because they all ask if I'm excited.

My next dr appt is in two weeks. The dr wants to do a sonogram because I mentioned that all the pregnancies were normal except that we got Garrett's due date wrong and the sugar blood test looked wrong until they changed the date. So I guess the dr doesn't believe me when I say I'm SURE of the conception date this time. I was a wreck when they said they wanted a sono. It was pretty traumatic last time because it was an empty womb. So I scheduled it as late as possible, and I'll end up being 12 weeks by the time I have it. So that's only one week before the 1st trimester is done, so hopefully everything will be ok by then.

Steve is off this Thursday and Friday. I'm thinking about trying to reschedule it for then, but I really don't want to have it too early. He probably won't be able to come. I wish he could. It works out fine, though. I'll probably go and apply for medicaid while he's home. I didn't get medicaid with Ryan at all, but then there was the fiasco with not signing him up for Steve's insurance in time and we were stuck with all the bills except that Beebe was generous to make us a charity case. But I still had to pay my own dr like a grand. So anyway, hopefully we will qualify. But I wouldn't be surprised if we make too much money. It would be nice, though, if me and a few kids did qualify, since ER visits are a hefty sum, and likely with these boys.

I never had a preference before, but I think I'd like a girl. Steve suggested Phoebe for a name. I like it. He likes Christian for a boy, and that's good too, but I think I would like a girl. I don't know if I'll want to find out. It was fun to be surprised with Ryan. It's so unusual for people to not find out. We won't be able to tell anything at the next appt anyway. Come to think of it, they didn't tell me if I had to drink all that water for it. Hmm....I'm not too impressed with the drs over here. I think Beebe's high technology has spoiled us. They still use actual PAPER files here. How archaic. And the buildings are run-down and cruddy. No wonder the cost of living was higher over there.

Steve wanted to go to Peninsula Regional in Salisbury because it's nicer, but nobody in MD will take DE Medicaid. So I guess we'll go here unless we don't qualify. Shoot, if I've got to pay for it, I'm going someplace nice.