At the Grocery Store

I had to go grocery shopping. I was already dreading it because we only had $50 and I would have to count up what I was spending as I went along. I knew we didn't need a whole lot, but it would be close. I hate being broke all the time, just scraping along with sometimes just cents left in the bank until next payday.

I should really be more grateful Steve even has a job. I don't know what we would do if he didn't. I met a lady I bought some stuff from off craigslist. She and her husband have both been out of work for a year. She unexpectedly got pregnant with their fifth child. They had tried to get pregnant for years before and thought they were done when they couldn't conceive, but then after they relocated and both lost jobs, THEN she got pregnant. WOW. I gave her my stroller/carseat combo and a bag full of neutral things. If she gets to the end of the pregnancy and still needs things, I'll give her my boy stuff too, but she's hoping she'll accumulate some girl things before the time comes. When I got the stroller to her, she was happy her husband would be starting at Home Depot part time. Anything is better than nothing.

So....at the grocery store, I was sitting in the truck looking over my list. I was trying to think if there was anything else we needed before Friday. Dinner stuff should be ok, there are vegetables and meat in the freezer. We mostly needed lunchy stuff. I was looking over the list and kinda praying. It's so stressfull. I had gone to Lou's this week. I went in there at first just to get a loaf of bread, but I did look around and find some other junk food stuff. Lou's is a ridiculous discount store. I really do think the people that stock the place must be dumpster divers. There's a ton of Pepsi product in there and Steve knows for sure they don't get it from Pepsi. It's a bit of a mystery where they do get it from, though...all out of date stuff goes back to the plant. Anyway, Lou's is a real interesting place to go. Gotta check everything over to make sure it might be safe. I got chex mix, croutons, snack cakes, marshmallow fluff and some cereal. I won't buy perishable stuff except for fruit, but most dry stuff is ok if it isn't too old. Anyway, I put the stuff from Lou's on the credit card. Then last night I was looking at my regular grocery list in the truck at the regular grocery store.

I was a mess. I was venting to God and crying and trying not to get too worked up because I had to go inside. Once I calmed down a bit and dried my face. I sat and looked around(hoping my eyes wouldn't be too red) and a lady came walking across the parking lot towards me. I wasn't in the direction of the store, so I knew she was coming to ME...a panic came over me. At first thought, maybe she was coming like as an answer to prayer. Maybe she was coming to give me money(hey I've heard stories)...maybe she was coming to tell me God told her something. Regardless, I was super uncomfortable, but I couldn't avoid her unless I quick hopped out and made a mad dash for the store. But then she was at the window.

The keys were already out of the ignition, so I couldn't really roll the window down more, but it was open enough that she just started talking. She said she and her kids didn't have anything to eat and they just moved down from Dover. She said she applied for benefits and it won't be until next week that she gets anything and they needed food for this week. She asked if I would go in and buy her some food and she would later mail me a check or something. I didn't quite hear the last part, because my panic was full-blown by that time. I didn't know what to say. Here, I was just going over my own list, hoping I had enough to get the NECESSITIES, and someone supposedly less fortunate was asking for help. Tears welled up and I blurted out, "honey, I've only got $50 to go in there and get food for my family of six!" I started crying again. It wasn't uncontrolable, but it was real crying. She tried to say something about she believes in God and He'll make a way or something. I must have had my face in my hands when she left because I don't remember her walking away.

She was black. I kinda wanted to see which car she got into because I suppose I really am a horribly judgemental person and assumed she would be getting into a nice car. Maybe she walked up to me because I was sitting in a big ol' Suburban. Like I have money. I was crying hard after she left and I didn't see where she went. Ugh. I had to pull myself together AGAIN. Once I calmed down, I sat and looked for her for a few minutes, but I didn't see her at all. I thought maybe she would be hanging around asking others for help, but she was gone. I felt bad for her sorta. I did think that it was possible she was on drugs or didn't really have kids or something, but still. I don't know that I would have bought her food even if I did have the money. But if I might have been more in my right mind, maybe I would have written down her address and later TAKEN her some food. If she was an honest person who is right along side me, trying to trust God for food for the week, I feel somewhat relieved that she may be praying for me. I'll be praying for her too. And for the lady expecting the baby girl.