I don't even remember why I opened this blog.

Hmm...it's been some time since I wrote anything semi-anonymous.

I've been hanging out at Facebook a lot lately. That gets boring after a while. I like conversations and status messages don't do it for me. Occasionally, comments will turn into a bit of a conversation.

I don't really like to share very personal stuff on there. I can't talk about my kids because their friends' siblings are on there. I can't really talk about my husband because HE'S on there, and I don't really have anywhere to sorta vent frustrations.

I used to blog a lot. My husband was there too, but it was ok...somehow it seemed we had a little community of people who were interested and cared and even if they didn't have answers would listen. That was nice.

I've mostly got the same frustrations I had then. Fewer, actually....but now I feel old and tired and burnt out. Burnt out with working on this huge old house...burnt out on homeschooling...burnt out on constantly being poor and never doing anything fun or going anywhere for fun....

My mother is taking us camping next weekend. I'm not even looking forward to it. I do in a way because I would like to get out of the house for two days and do something other than wash dishes, but I wish it was a family trip with just me and Steve and the kids. It may be the only camping trip we take this summer at all. There is no leeway, no "mad money," no escaping the daily grind.

I went out with my neighbor, just us two girls. It was fun to go to the mall and wander around and try on clothes we weren't buying. But it was a little depressing too. I didn't, but if I had found anything I wanted, I couldn't have gotten it. I wonder if I made her uncomfortable for not getting anything at the coffee shop. We got talking in the car on the way there, and I forgot to ask her to swing by the bank or WaWa or someplace I could get cash. I guess I could have used my bank card(she did), but I don't like putting $5 on it. I just told her I had already eaten like five cupcakes(which was true...but they weren't frosted). I was thirsty, but didn't feel like risking whether they'd charge me for a glass of water. They probably only had bottled. I really don't like snooty-toot places like that coffee place. The company and conversation were nice, though. She's younger than me. Sometimes I'm afraid I will make her depressed too or discourage her. In a lot of ways, I see myself in her. I see that youthful hope that everything will be wonderful and get better and better as time goes on.

Blah.